But I’m Not Counting

 

So, there I was. Sitting on the plane and trying to be realistic about not eating the food.

Did you get that?

I said, “Not eating the food right?”. But, as you can imagine,  I chose against my better judgment and decided to partake in the tuna sandwich, fried chicken bits, and an eclair that perhaps has seen better days.

Oh, did I mention I was flying Pakistani Air?

…yes,yes,  I know, a small but important detail.

But I continue.

After my meal, I proceed to relax by watching a movie on the plane for the last half of the flight, quietly ignoring the simmering discomfort in my stomach region. Hey! I have to be tough and ain’t no stinkin’ pain gonna stop me from my movie. Right? And plus, nice guys always finish last and admitting to any pain, especially for this Navy Chief, is definitely a nice guy trait.

But I digress.

After the plane lands, nothing. Get to the office and unload. Nothing. Get to the house for some much needed sleep.

Something.

When I tell you that my amazing friend Mr. Toilet and I had some serious conversations about life, I would be informing you of a huge understatement. Not only did Mr. Toilet and I become BFFs for centuries to come, I think I’m going to start having his babies. So, yes…the Pakistani bug finally hit me but luckily for me, I found the courage to balance out the sickness with some lessons learned from this amazing experience:

1. Puking your guts out isn’t the best way to get a six-pack. Although, I’m impressed with my results so far.

2. During the middle of a Skype session, it’s okay to excuse yourself for a quick puke. Just remember to brush the teeth. It’s Skype after all.

3. When the chills and heat flashes start, don’t be surprised to find yourself in a slight delirium. It’s normal and the effects are short lived unless you actually want them to linger beyond the standard term.

4. When the moment hits you to never eat anything again, don’t fall for it. It’s a trick to make you think you’re not invincible. Hey, even Superman had a few lost battles every now and then.

5. And lastly, never mistake a fart for being a fart during this time. You’ll be doing more laundry than expected. Trust me.

So, if you can imagine me quiet and still for a few days–and perhaps shivering a bit, it was largely due to the simple relaxation factor God imposed on me over the last day. I just wish he could have just made it rain outside instead of making it cramp and all liquidity on the inside.

Jus’ sayin’…

M.C. Davis

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “But I’m Not Counting

  1. ….but what was the name of the movie?

  2. When in doubt, always, always, ask the flight attendant for a can of pringles…they always have them!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s