Of late, and for some unknown reason, I have been extremely reflective in the actions and inactions that affect me on a daily basis.
In the past, I’ve been known to dabble a bit in the esoteric and metaphysical aspects of life, but something truly profound has captured my attention like no other thing in the past has. I’ve also been known to take an interest in the spiritual and almost learning aspects of what religions call the Holy Ghost and to be honest, nothing has changed in that regard for me. If at most, the only change is my degree of involvement and my internal and external relationship with respects to those things that bring me to my highest joy and thought.
For one, the Bible, which has kept me completely centered for all of my life, is something that I’ve started to take into a much different consideration. In Neale Donald Walsch’s book Conversations with God, he speaks of a unique concept which takes into account that “words are the least purveyor of the truth”. When I read that line, I had to stop and pause the very animated scene around me because in essence, I have always believed that very simple phrase; even when my most sincere efforts were centered around God’s wisdom and promises. When I experience a thing, it’s much different that actually reading or intellectualizing a thing. In other words, words give us hope and help us comprehend a thing, but perhaps the beliefs, opinions and thoughts of those interpretations do not bring a the true realization for the reader because in fact, that can only happen when we have experienced a thing for ourselves and ultimately, we learn to experience the thing to bring us closer to ourselves or our pursuit of who we really are.
What of our thoughts and feelings?
How fairly do we place them in the grander scheme of how we interpret or place value in a system that judges and condemns that lesser of what is right or wrong, good or bad, or up or down? Does God prefer one over the other or is there simply a free spirit approach that allows us to make those decisions in pure and utter freedom? Lastly, how do we differentiate from the layered questions that come from the extremes of love and fear?
So, in being a true believer in a higher power, I am overwhelmed by the simple fact that I have personally yet to take into account the varying degrees of who I am, or better yet, who I will become. For most of my life, I have only thought of a God that is ever-present (and willing) and in tune with my decisions that will either greatly please or terribly displease him. Of late, I feel a different tinge that proudly promotes that God will only be pleased when I am truly happy with whatever decisions that I make, and not in God’s judgment of whether my decision was either bad or good. Am I not a creative being? Isn’t God also a creative being?
Lastly, is it sane to say that God will be disappointed with all of my ill decisions when in fact, he has given me the free will to make those decisions, and if anything, God has designed the options for my own decision-making process; and of course, it is God who has provided for me the freedom to do anything and imagine anything I want. My collective experiences, which are far valuable that I’ve ever taken seriously, have been neglected in the most basic sense. They have been demurred and far undervalued for their worth. This, I know for a fact, which has resulted in myself being a tad bit lost in the grander scheme of how I will in turn begin to remember who I really am or will be. Are not our experiences the same stuff that brings us closer to the understanding of how things work, which will ultimately lead us to the Truth that so many prophets speak of?
I will let this marinate for a while because either a new Memoir is in the midst, or I’m slowly losing my mind like the man on the street where passersby drop loose coins in an old beaten down Burger King cup.