Oh, Yeah! You’re Getting The Hose Too!

So, this week has been a unique one for me. For one, my faucet is becoming like a new member of the family that slowly drives you insane from all the “Back in my day” comments. In this case, the faucet is quietly reminding me of when it was quietly snugged in its cardboard box with all the comforts of home-cooking, fireplace motifs, and of course, a nice warm Styrofoam body to snuggle up to. But like the thunder from above, I dragged it out from its existence, tore its house into pieces, and tapped it inside a sink hole that neither cares for the faucet, or the horse it rode in on.

Out of resistance I’m sure, there’s a small leak that’s coming from one of the faucet legs which has forced into what I have learned to call the Dump The Water Or You’ll Get The Hose Again phase. This is where I have to every night (and even some mornings and afternoons) dump about a gazillion gallons of water down the sink from the IKEA bucket that’s strategically placed under the sink to catch every drop of water that falls from the leaky faucet. Troy came down but to no avail, which has led me further straight down into what I have learned to call the “Swipe The Card Or You’ll Get The Hose Again phase. This is where I hire a plumber who will in most cases, financially rape the hell out of me due to my look of pure desperation and exhaustion. This will in turn cause an even greater need to pay the guy whatever he needs because believe it or not, having a leaky sink doesn’t bode well for an active social life.

For one, you can’t stay out past midnight because everyone knows that slow drip of the water will increase at a rapid rate until you return due to the lofty hands of Mr. Murphy. Two, you can’t have anyone over for a quiet evening without a disclaimer that states that the noise coming from under the sink is nothing really, just some mice playing on the beach. Third, slight stages of paranoia will undoubtedly sneak in creating visions of water flooding from under the sink, swallowing your home, and the surrounding neighborhood. And that’s not even the worse part: you will have to call your insurance company and make up a convincing story.


So, yes, my week has been fun but today, I will meet and greet the plumber who I’m sure has already made arrangements for the financial rape. For this evolution, which I have learned to call theOh Yes, I Know You’re Going To Give Me The Hose Anyway So Just Make It Quick phase where you simply give in to the pressures of being a homeowner and take what you’re given.

I consider this phase the easiest.

So, yes, this week is lovely but after the plumber’s visit today, I’m looking forward to an active social life with all the things that make the world go around…like ice cream, cake, and a few cookies for color.

M.C. Davis


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