I Write Therefore I Am

…sometimes I feel like people don’t say that enough?

The day will soon come that the notion of celebrating anything will inevitably lead to neglecting the basic tenants of how our society is built. I am guilty of this very infamous deed and it wasn’t until I started this blog that I realized that I could indeed celebrate the day–if not a few days at a time. This blog has taught me more about myself, my writing, my opinion, and my demeanor than any book idea or poem I’ve ever written in the past.  Not only has this blog given me the freedom to celebrate each day, but it has proven itself over and over again in becoming a therapist of sorts, a kind of inner voice that has been given a new and more diverse canvas in which to project.

I love the idea of blogging so much that I have kept it very much a secret from my friends. Although my thoughts and ideas are not uncommon in nature to my friends nor secretive with respects from what I would like my friends to know, but I realize that this blog has truly given a new style of freedom that differs greatly from a hard-bound journal quietly sitting on the nightstand. It’s my own little world that forbade disagreement, correction, or true recognition from any particular perspective.

Yesterday, I had a dream that I was being held captive and I knew, as well as my captors, that I was going to die at their hands. When I realized that my time was near the end, I found myself looking at myself being killed, but I was very far from the scene looking desperately through someone else’s eyes and body. It was a surreal moment and for an instance, I felt sorry for the guy being bludgeoned to death–quickly forgetting that it was my own body. It was a remarkable dream and to be honest, it changed a perfiferal view of how I see my own life. How quickly it can be to forget oneself in a time of desperate need or quickly lose focus on yourself when all focus is on others. This dream made me realize that not only is a dream a small glimpse into a person’s inner workings but it slowly reminds us of how close we are in utilizing the other 90% of our brain.

In essence, I am thankful for what this particular blog does for me because I get the chance to explore my own inner options in a fantastical effort to change the outer ones. I get a chance to witness myself, as well as my thoughts, grow into some magical and respectable.

Interesting how the words we summon each day create new emotions for our entire lifetime.

M.C. Davis

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Biting Off More Than What?

Don’t you just love debt?

I have a really close friend who is perpetually in some type of financial dilemma. It doesn’t seem to go away and if it’s not the electric bill, it’s the rent payment or the gas bill. Of course, this person is constantly late paying the very few bills that are paid each month so when the dust has cleared, everything from the kitchen sink to the credit report is ruined.

So, the other day, we had an intervention of sorts. We sat this person down and made clear that we are done carrying the financial woes and the umpteen other problems and we need to see more action and less inaction. So, with a glazed face and almost serious tone, we took this person’s word that in a few days time, we would drive to Carmax and sell the vehicle, get rid of the $100 cable bill, put the electric and gas in the roommate’s name (yes, this person takes victims), and essentially start a new path of redemption.

So, we’ll see how this works and hopefully as time lends itself, this person will be able to rejoin their former self but without all the financial woes and crappy decision-making skills that has caused so much harm to this person’s life.

I’m not holding my breathe but I will ensure that what happens will be of the more “action” side of the house than the more favorable “inaction” side of the house.

M.C. Davis

Who?

Who?

There ain’t enough time
to make your favorite
soup, or think of
your diet, or rifle for my
own problems to help yours.
In fact, we just met yesteday
and I don’t think
we’re going to click like
butter beans and cornbread.
Like yesterday, you and I are forgotten,
in between
loose thoughts and half-chewed Now&Laters.
You’re tough to the touch,
and my wisdom
cautions me to stand too close;
if anything, you cause me
to shiver like uncontrolled wind.
What I mean to say
is your contagious and my
love for you grows in
a way unfamiliar
and to be honest,
I like the idea of
you near me.

M.C. Davis

And To All A Good Night…

…well, probably not in the same holiday jeer as Santa puts out.

The other day I was thinking about the joy that comes from giving and perhaps the hurt than usually come from not being able to give as much as one wants; or the fact that not everyone truly wants to give during this time of year. For my own reasons, I enjoy giving and I, like millions of other losers in this world, don’t give enough throughout the year to at least validate the giving towards the end of the year. In fact, I don’t think I’ve given a gift to anyone from a “just because” standpoint in a while, nor have I solidly put forth any effort to truly thank or recognize the kindness of others around me.

So, what can I do?

I could volunteer more, give more time and energy to loved ones, or start an event that sponsors the art of giving.  I do think however, that the noise of what I’m supposed to do with my time and energy might not subside to a simple charitable events.

I need to inhale the reason for giving so it becomes inclusive to how I think.  

I am indifferent to a certain degree and find these Holiday times as subtle reminders of how important it is to give but more importantly, how important it is to understand the world’s intrinsic value to giving. This is how I have learned to accept some of the measurable steps in giving while silently adapting to some of the more nondescript measures in giving.

M.C. Davis

A Fun Time Was Had By All…

well, if you include a little booze, free food, and a warm home then who wouldn’t have a fun time??

Actually, this year’s Christmas party at the house was truly a blessing. Not only did I have my closest friends there but everyone seemed to connect on very different and positive levels. It was incredible to witness the energy and ebb and flow of what truly makes any party an experience: friendship.

I’ve spoken about this theme several times but seeing and feeling it is completely different than just talking or theorizing about it. The party wasn’t about the idea of friendship, it was friendship and the very nature of what made the people there share their stories was intuitive to the nature of why some people are drawn to other people and vice versa. I gazed at times to the noise of laughter, conversation, and trust. I felt an overall ease that not only was my life unfolding in the arms of my friends but they in turn shared that very important gift with others. This was evident in what I saw, felt, experienced, and eventually touched.

You know, I am very proud of what I have and the people in my life. As I grow older, I find that for the most simplest of reasons to get up everyday usually become the most valued and treasured items in my life. Am I thankful? Hell yeah.

M.C. Davis

Free At Last! Thank God Almighty I’m Free At Last!

…well, perhaps the good Doctor might have seen things differently since my freedom only exists on a small subliminal level and far from the stretches of Civil rights, or that old white building located at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

This week we finally bought, loaded, and presented the ‘ol Christmas tree. It’s a nice touch to our home and as I walk through the living room to the bathroom, I am reminded that this tree, for what it’s worth, further makes our house a home and I am extremely proud of that fact. Also, our Christmas party is this week-end and I’m mixed in between nerves and excitement about it happening, even though it has brought so much happiness to our home for several years now. I am looking forward to seeing my friends and of course, sharing stories and hearing about who did what with which item and with whom. I suppose I’m just proud of the fact that the simple joy of sharing is not only rewarding, but it provides a comfort for what we truly enjoy in ourselves.

Troy and I agreed that during my time in DC, he would write a Children’s story with all the characters he’s told me about for the past 6 1/2 years. It would be a great book for children with his zany and almost aloof imaginative characters. I think his imagination will explode with ideas, nuances, and crazy scenarios for each layer of his characters and if hopefully picked up, he’ll make a new step in a Troy that perhaps most don’t know. If anything, this idea will keep us in tune with our individual lives while we strategically make our disconnection effortless. I will miss him terribly but I know in the end, our life will make the most of this distance and overcome what we desperately fear the most.

Russ and I hung out last night and for the first time of many, I realized how lucky we were to be friends. I told him while we were sitting down eating fried chicken, steak tips, mashed potatoes, and cole slaw that our lives are true gifts and I’m very proud for what we have in each other, in addition to what we have in our families. Yuki is by far the best thing Russ has ever come close to with regards to a solid family connection–well, perhaps more tolerance than anything, but I think you get my drift. Troy, if anything, makes me feel like I have never been alone in the world because at this point in my life, I can’t recall ever not loving him or having him around. He’s a true best friend and I thank God that he has the patience and endurance to love me back.

Just finished the MSOL program and looking at PhD programs in Organization Leadership. Since my DC stint will provide some downtime, I think I might have the chance to knockout some more classes to finish out this long road of academia.  It feels extremely strange to be able to leave work then go home; or leave work, then organize my MP3 collection; or leave work, then work out; or better yet, leave work, then lay on the couch. This is probably the best feeling I’ve had in a while but I know the moment I sit for too long, the harder it will be to make amends in starting up again. In the meantime, I’ll enjoy my freedom while it lasts.

M.C. Davis

A New Day!

Well, I have finally found my long forgotten life but I’m now unsure how to handle it after being away from it for such a long time.

However, there are a few factors:

1. Last semester for school and the crazy MSOL progression. Woohoo!

2. Christmas season is much slower than usual.

3. Snow-covered streets, brisk walks to Starbucks, and my awesom art studio is now closed.

So, there’s more time on my schedule and I have suddenly found myself stuttering in the streets looking for something to do. Actually, my life isn’t dead, just not moving as quickly as before, which perhaps may be an inside job by the ‘Ol Man’.

He always seems to know best so perhaps through his guiding hands, I’ll find more time in my day and in turn, I’ll find more of myself.

And yes, that’s a good thing.

M.C. Davis